What did I do?!

I've mentioned before that I've asked this question of myself a number of times. Most of the time my questioning comes about 2 hours before bedtime because that is when I feel the worst. I usually have taken a bite of something I made for dinner and it sits in my stomach. I've determined that despite taking small bites, chewing and chewing and chewing, my tiny tummy still doesn't like solid foods. I think the food gets to the bottom of my stomach, gets ready to pass into my small intestine and just sits there. Then the spasms start, trying to move the food down, and instead moves the food... well... up and out. If my husband didn't know better, he'd think I was bulimic, no doubt.

I have a friend who is having the lapband "installed" in just a few days and this morning she posted she is emotional. Now, I'm not sure if it's because of the impending surgery, but I automatically assumed it is.

I remember when I was 10 days from surgery and how tough the liquid diet was. Actually I cheated. I felt like such a failure because I had been working SO HARD towards getting the surgery that 10 days pre op was not the time to give into cravings and temptations. How long have I given into temptations? I remember being 18, hanging out with my friend Elizabeth and we'd make midnight runs to Jack in the Box for chicken strips and strawberry soda. Those years are when I really started to gain some weight. I gave in over and over and over again. I feel like that is something I've gained control of post-op. I look at the food, crave it, but I don't let it anywhere near my mouth for fear of the after effects.

As far as being emotional - uh huh! It's such a big decision. If you're researching this incredible life change, know it is a hugely emotional thing. If you're overweight just imagine the freedom of being released from the bond of weight. Maybe you're like me and you simply can't imagine but you'd like to. Do something -- attend a seminar, learn about the bariatric diet, go to Weight Watchers. You don't need to let weight weigh you down. Know that you are not alone.